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So what if he co-founded Facebook, he can’t match a tie to a shirt.
Forbes has announced its 12 most recommended billionaire bachelors. The Jewish Daily Forward has notified the world that seven of the 12 are Jews - naturally! Let’s not get into the hypocrisy here of picking out Jews from lists and then trying to claim that Jews are not abnormally wealthy or successful. Let’s instead stick to the assumption that their mothers are “kvelling” over their success, but feeling the knife twist in their hearts every time they look at their sons’ unadorned left ring fingers. Do mothers of successful sons kvetch over their singledom the same way they do over their daughters’ lonestar status? (My mother’s friend and Mah Jongg partner has a daughter whose singlehood trumps the fact that she is a successful doctor in New York. We all know at least one mother like this, right? Oh right - your own?)
The Forward’s blog, the Schmooze, sums up its review of our rich Jewish bachelors with the expected call to action: “Ladies, the Shmooze has already done your homework for you. What are you waiting for?
Well, let’s size them up.
Eduardo Saverin, 30, Facebook co-founder (played by the hot Andrew Garfield in “The Social Network”), who now lives in Singapore.
My analysis: Thirty years old…good. Not old, no divorces and kids behind him. But Singapore? Might be fun for a while, but as an empowered woman I wouldn’t move across the world just for some guy, even if he did found Facebook. Anyway, I would never be able to compete in my number of Facebook friends (his 1.3 million versus my meager 500), which would make me violently jealous and resentful. Sorry, Eduardo.
Teddy Sagi, 40, the Israeli hi-tech entrepreneur. (But there’s a catch: According to The Algemeiner, he has been living for the past two years with Yael Nizri, a former Miss Israel)
Yes, the catch. At least she’s Jewish.
Nat Rothschild, 40, the British-Swiss scion of the famous Rothschild banking family. His net worth is reported to be $1.6 billion.
A Rothschild! But getting up there in age for me. He’ll be at least 53 at our kid’s bar mitzvah. And you know what they say about guys over 40 and single…
Elon Musk, 40, the serial entrepreneur living in California. He is divorced from his first wife, with whom he had five children, and separated from his second wife.
Serial entrepreneur? Try serial monogamist. Not to mention that the five step kids are a deal-breaker.
Xavier Niel, 44, the French telecom entrepreneur who owns part of Israel’s Golan Telecom.
The way things are going, Syria’s going to reclaim Golan and he’ll be out of a job. Too risky. (Btw, he spent a month in jail after a prostitution scandal.)
Nicolas Berggruen, 50, the American-German, homeless-by-choice (he lives in the poshest of hotels around the world) investor with movie-star looks. He is part owner of the company building the new 37-floor luxury building Meier on Rothschild in Tel Aviv.
What, you can’t live like a normal person, in a house? Cable TV and room service are only exciting for so long.
Mitchell Goldhar, 51, the Canadian real estate tycoon (listed as the 20th richest Canadian) who also owns the Maccabi Tel Aviv soccer team.
Well, Canadian citizenship and healthcare would be nice. But all that sports talk…and soccer - boringest of boring sports in North America! Would we have Sportscenter on all our plasma TVs all the time? In my crystal ball I see myself in a continual loop of preparing gourmet nachos, cocktail wieners and microbrews from the tap on our stocked bar for all his dude friends. Besides, 51 is way past the cut-off. You know what they say…
There you have it. They may be billionaires, but some of us have standards around here.